Bed Time Thoughts ~

...Because The Hellos Are Just So Wonderful!

I remember that night. All of us kids stuffed into one big hotel bed! There were other beds...but we all wanted to be together, for as long as we could. We knew that the morning would bring the hard reality of how bad saying goodbye would hurt.

Now as I sit here tonight, a little more than two years later, I remember all the goodbyes. And I wonder, "why do they have to hurt so much?"

I think about the times that I returned to my boat in Seattle, WA after having such sweet times with my family. I remember how my heart ached, and how loneliness seemed to swallow me up...and I wonder, "why did that pain have to be so great?"

4 Years At A Glance - #3

 

In these early morning hours before my work day begins, I go back through all the days, weeks, months, and years that I have spent in the Coast Guard, and I relive all the moments that God has blessed me with. Every new week, my co-workers smile and shake their heads at me when I announce my new count down to my out date...right now I am down to 57! But what I don't tell them is this, where as I am so excited to be getting out of the Coast Guard and counting down helps me to make it through each new week, I am also doing it to remind myself that this is all I have left...I only have 57 more days to make an impact here! And really only half of those days will be at work. So really I only have 29 more days to shine Christ here in front of every one of these people who surround me day in and day out.

And I am left wondering...have I? Have I really even made a difference? Have I pointed to Christ; and maybe in the process, has anyone seen Jesus in me?

Reviewing Words of Life!

 

How do I live this today, right now in this hour...in this moment? As so many people all around me seek the things of this world, how do I instead live as a citizen of heaven? It is hard to put into words what this may look like, but I do know what I will do today...I will say "Yes" to the Lord. Whatever He may have for me today, whatever people He sends my way to love and show kindness to, and whatever He may bring I will rejoice in Him and in His love for me. I am His very special child! And that is why I must love those around me and show them by my actions that they too are made in God's image and desperately need Him to save them.

 In the midst of this broken world and the discouragement of my own sin, I will rejoice! Not in me...but in the Lord! I suppose I could ask why should I rejoice in the Lord, but I think the bigger quest is...WHY NOT?! The Lord has saved me, taken my sins away from me, given me new life and abundant life, He has washed me in the blood of the Lamb, and I am a child of God! I have every reason to rejoice today and so I will no matter what my circumstance may be.

Christ has showed me such love, such kindness, and in His suffering and brokenness He brought me near to the Father's heart. And so this same attitude that Christ demonstrated must be my own as well. At work I want people to see Jesus in me...and I want to show them the Father's heart of love and compassion...His righteousness and holiness, which requires Him to punish sin, and His grace and mercy in sending Jesus to take our place if we believe.

 As I continue to wait for Fidele's visa to come in, I set my heart on prayer and thanksgiving. O those awful worries and anxieties flood my soul, but the Father whispers His love in my heart and says be still. And I find that if a heart cannot be both worried and thankful...I cannot live in a state of anxiety and thanksgiving at the same time. So I put on thanksgiving and fill up the moments with thanks to the Lord. This is not an option for me either, but is a command from the Lord. So I work at this and look to Him for strength to continually fill up my heart with thanksgiving and prayer instead of the constant worries that bombard me.

And so as each day comes and I live out my life more and more and little by little my thoughts are being transformed by Scripture. And I seek to think on these things above so that my heart may rest in the peace of God and be protected by it.

 

Always remembering that I can do everything through Jesus! I do not try and live this life alone anymore. I am a child of God, and He is with me. He wants me to fix all that I am on Him and trust Him. He wants me to live for Him and rejoice in Him and live life in Him. And all of this He wants me to do in His strength!

Blessings from Above

 

 Soft, lovely beauty of new life blooming

  

 Clothed in sweetness, not one the same

 

Warm cookies cooling, a surprise to take to work

 

 

A hot cup of loveliness!

 

  

Clean dishes air drying

 

  

Words of life transforming me

 

 YAY! Skype time with my Love!!

These Rainy Days of the Soul

The rain falls outside. I hear the constant pattering against my windows, and I peer out at a world of grey dreariness. How can one day be so beautiful and sunny and then the next turn into something so gloomy? But as I sit here, I try and think deeper and wonder harder. Why? Why does God send these rainy days? I love the bright, flower days of Spring as the world blooms into a picture of true beauty and life. Bees buzz and butterflies dance as flowers share their fragrance. The sun shines and warms the earth as little tiny bugs busily go about doing bug things. Birds sing and fly together happily as dogs and cats roam about enjoying themselves. But on these rainy days, I do not hear the sweet sound of birds singing; I do not even hear the calls of the gulls down by the pier. All is silent and still except for the rain that pounds the earth. 

I suppose and think and wonder. Without these lifeless, dreary, rainy days I know that Spring would not come because the flowers need this life-giving moisture in order to bloom. They need this rain so that they can grow and find nurishment for their roots. All this rain is preparing the soil to produce life and soon I will see the results, but not right now. Indeed this is a lovely picture of our spiritual life as well. For even as time brings each new season so also we go through spiritual seasons of the soul. I love the Spring and Summers of my soul when I feel life and vitality flowing through me, and Christ seems so real and alive inside my heart. I don't understand why winter must come. I feel so dead and lifeless to spiritual things. The rainy-soul days are hard to bear, but they are actually the very days that God uses to bring about the sunny spring days of our soul. Without spiritual rain, we would have not spiritual flowers growing and sharing their sweet fragrance in our lives and others. We could not be a blessing to the world around us if we did not have these hard days of the soul. And that is quite a thought to think.  

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!" (1 Corinthians 4:16-17)

Oh, let these words of truth just transform your thoughts! They speak life into my soul, especially on these rainy days. Sometimes I struggle wondering why I go through these times of spiritual deadness it seems. Have I wandered from the Lord? Have I done something wrong for me to feel so spiritually lifeless? Where is the fruit I long to see? Where are the wild roses of joy that I love to smell along the path when I walk down by the water? Where are the buttercups, daises, daffodils, and tulips of faith, hope, and love that I long to see blooming in my heart? Why must this rain persists and these clouds hang over my soul?

These days are hard to press through. But God whispers His love in my heart and tells me to press on; don't quit! The spring days are coming, but first these rainy days must come to prepare the soil of our hearts to produce life. God's love has not changed and you have not done something wrong. These rainy days are days of blessing indeed because they "produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"

"So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever" (2 Corinthians 4:18).

So I do not sit here watching the the dreariness outside or focusing my strength on listening to the raindrops pattering on my house. I do not sit outside, and let myself get soaked and miserable. No! I stay in the Shelter of God's love and hide myself in who He is for "The name of the Lord is a strong fortress, the godly run to Him and are safe" (Proverbs 18:10). I content myself with who God is and what He has done for me, and I do not worry about the life I do not see blooming in my soul. I focus these soul-eyes on the Life Giver and find joy that in His good time, once the soil of my heart is prepared He will cause the flowers to bloom and I will see the sun shining and I will hear the birds singing. God works in seasons and the season of preparation is just as important to Him as the season of seeing the results of His preparation.

As I remain in my Shelter---the Shelter of God's love and compassion for me---I busy myself doing so many things. Just as I busy myself today cleaning, washing the dishes, finishing some crafts I started, reading, writing notes of encouragement; so my soul also busies itself with "indoor" pursuits. Clinging to a verse of Scripture, feeling the pain of hoping in the Lord (kind of like the pain of doing those awful flutter kicks when I am exercising), waiting and learning to add a little joy more and more each new day, going through and cleaning my heart before the Lord (and never try to do any heart cleaning without the help of the Holy Spirit because it is quite impossible if we try it without Him), forgiving others and putting aside all bitterness, confessing sin and putting on the joyous garments of thanksgiving, and dreaming and planning for those warm, spring-soul days that are right around the corner. What comforts me most on these rainy days is knowing that seasons come and go and Spring will certainly come just as God causes the sun to rise. Spring cannot stay away forever and in God's perfect time He will bring the spring that you long for and your soul will indeed blossom. But do not try and escape these rainy days of preparation because you need them. I need them. God has chosen them to bring about a beautiful work of life in our hearts. So let us embrace them as gifts from our Good Giver, and let us absolutely not fix our eyes on them and stay at the window staring. No, let us get dressed with the clothes of thanksgiving and be about the work of the Lord for their is plenty of "indoor"work for us to do. And the nice thing is that we can send lovely encouragement to others just from the inside our Shelter. And encouraging others is perhaps the most encouraging thing that we can ever do for oursleves.

So hold fast to these verses from 2 Corinthians and remember that Spring is coming! These little thoughts help me and I hope they help you too...these little pictures of God's amazing work. And remember that God truly is faithful to complete in us the good work which He has started (Philippians 1:6).

#5 Open-Hearted Love

The clouds are gathering outside as I sit by my bedroom window at work. The wind has picked up and the water out in the bay has turned to a dark-grey color as it churns back and forth. I know the sun is shining, but I cannot see it as before. The cool air keeps me inside where it is warm and where I can escape from the biting wind. This kind of weather is beautiful in its own sort of way, but I do not think that I would actually label it as beautiful in my mind. These kind of grey, windy days display power and fierce strength; they make me think of the storms that I go through in my heart. God is the maker of these days, and His power far exceeds them. God is also the one who gives these kind of days for His own reasons that I do not know. 

 

#4 Open-Handed Trust

Brisk, cool air meets me as I swiftly make my way out to the Station's front gate to lock up for the night. I stop. My gaze turns toward the heavens. Small teeny-tiny dots of light shine down amidst the veil of darkness that cloaks the world around me. These rulers of the night faithfully carry out their God given purpose without faltering. As I gaze up with wide open-eyed wonder, a new miracle begins to take place in my life. This grace inspired and enabling open-eyed wonder---which has blossomed in my soul with the joy of thanksgiving to the Lord---has also given me courage and power to live in open-handed trust. For how can I not trust the one who loves me and is the Giver of all good gifts---and all His gifts are good? In 1 John 4:18, John notes that perfect love drives out fear.

#3 Open-Eyed Wonder

 A new day dawning. Renewed life and strength bursting forth with purpose. The gift of each new breath to sustain for a time. Sights seen day after day, seen fresh and new with open eyes. The sound of gulls exuberant and filled with life, along with the far off toll of a buoy twirling in the wind and current. A mind racing to count and capture daily blessings so uncommonly common; so unique in their constancy day after day.

This is my new day! My gift of life from God! I meet this gift with open eyes and I am left amazed. Open-eyed wonder washes over me as the sun bathes me with its golden beams, as the wind's gusts send chills down my spine, and as the fresh scent of a new day fills my lungs. Sights and sounds met with open eyes and ears. And in openness thanksgiving is born! Thanksgiving explodes! Thanksgiving opens the eyes wider to see more wonder---to see the beauty of God.

#1 God Will Make A Way...

 

As I sit here in my sun-bathed kitchen, I am quite content. My tummy is full from a nice breakfast of fried eggs and chocolate chip pancakes; and now here I sit contemplating so many scattered thoughts with my cup of coffee close at hand. Mornings are just lovely that dawn with the sun shining and sparkling, causing everything else to dance in its light. My little plants love to sit and soak in the sun beams because this isn't such a common joy up here in Eastport during the winter/spring months.

Oh, I have been trying to think recently just how to put into words all that the Lord is impressing and teaching my heart over the past few weeks and months. I suppose it is kind of like trying to catch bubbles with your hands or attempting to capture the scent of freshly washed laundry that is about to be thrown into the dryer or even trying to understand any mystery that befuddles us in this life. These lessons from the Lord are downright allusive! But I am set on capturing them the best I can because I do not want to lose them amidst life's constant flow and change. 

 

10 O'CLOCK THANKS

"Seek first the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need."

--

Matthew 6:33

 

Count Down until Fidele comes: 180 days!!!

 

 

As this day comes to a close, I take a moment to look to Jesus and thank Him for so many wonderful blessings. I do not want to forget my Savior and His kindness to me.

 

 

So thank you Jesus for...

 

-Warm sunshine

-Each verse in the Bible

-Providing me with food to eat and lovely peach tea to drink!

-Fellowship with other Believers

-Prayer meeting and Bible study at church

-Dirty pumpkins that I can clean!!

-Friends to spend time with

-My legs that allow me to walk all over Eastport

-Roses that smell absolutely delicious

-Little jobs that keep me busy like doing the laundry, washing dishes, folding clothes, and baking cookies

-The opportunity to take college classes

-Your constant presence

-Your great faithfulness

-Your unfailing love

-My fiance Fidele!!

-Skype...so that I can hear and see My Love!

-Making Fidele and I wait all these months to be together because it makes us rely and trust in you more deeply

-Giving me a man who is set on living exclusively for Your glory!

-Your peace that guards my heart and gives me strength to press on

-Being in charge of my live, and having every detail in your control

-Your grace that has sustained me today

 

Wow!! The Lord has truly blessed me tooo much today!!! As I look back I see His faithfulness is great, His mercies are new, and His love never fails.