Open Hands

          Before I can enjoy and experience the blessings and gifts that my Heavenly Daddy loves to shower upon me and all of His other children, I must first open my hands...

~

          Clenched fists. Fear. Grasping for control. A sigh escapes my tight lips, and suddenly I feel so tired; so exhausted from trying to keep all the pieces of my life together. As another gust of cold, angry wind blows into my life, my fists tighten fiercer than ever to the crumpled pieces of life that my little hands cling to with unmatched strength. A pair of cynical eyes catch a quick glimpse heavenward before burrowing deep inside the worn jacket---the jacket that offers me a small comfort from the raging wind, which refuses to let up. Doubt begins to permeate my body. I wonder where my daddy has gone. He said he would never leave me, but now that promise seems so empty. I slump to the ground with my fists clenched tightly. I hug my legs to my body for warmth, but I find little to give me renewed hope. I take one more quick peak up into the angry sky; only to be reminded how awful my lots is.
          The wind calms down, and I sigh again out of relief. Maybe I would have a few moments of peace before the next gust of wind pounds me. I rub my wet eyes with my fists so I can see better as I cautiously open my little hands. I am very careful because at any moment another gust of wind might come and blow away my precious treasures. I smile faintly, but also feel a stab of pain as I look down at my treasures lying so crumpled and disfigured on the ground. At least I still had them all, even if they look all messed up. I took a quick inventory of my crumpled collection: hmmmm yes, family especially the little ones...I couldn't bear to see anything ever happen to them. I must keep them safe, protect them from all this wind, and yes even protect them from...Daddy. Let's see, yes, here's Fidele, so far so good...he's not gone off and done anything too dangerous. It is not easy to hang on so tightly, but I will at least not have to worry about living without him. My reputation...hmm, O I wish I could get a little bit of polish to get these smug marks off, but its better to have smug marks than to have someone else scratching or denting it. My plans are all safe, yes...the one year, two year, five year...hmmm maybe the retirement one needs a little mending. I think I crumpled this one a little too much. My appearance, oh if only I had a mirror, well at least I am not as bad as others I have seen along the way. Yes, yes well I think I have them all still...O wait! Yes, my godliness! Here it is! Oh it still has a bit of shine in it still. And on went my musings and counting for what seemed like hours.
          A sharp pain struck my eyes so quickly and awfully. I could not even see for a few moments. I hovered over my treasures, crazily trying to pick them all up while my eyes recovered. A cry escapes my lips as my task seems so meaningless. Little, crumpled scrapes of my life begin to dance in a playful breeze. Oh no! No, I should not have let go! I scurry around faster now. A hand rests on my shoulder as I freeze. Fear runs like a cold icicle down my back, my mind wonders if I dare even look up into the face of the person in front of me.
          "Sara."
          I did not expect the voice to hold such kindness. I peak up as tears fall down my dirty cheeks and my little fists close even more tightly over my treasures.
          "Sara, come to me."
          Suddenly I know the voice of this one before me. The kindness and the authority so filled with love and truth that even my little mind cannot mistake his identity. I inch forward, feeling ashamed, and timid. You see this is my daddy.
          "Sara, what is in your hands?" His question was filled with compassion.
          His question fills me with anger. I know he only asks me because he wants to take away my treasures. A tear runs down my cheek and then another. "I don't want you to know." I sputter through my sobs.
          "Sara, come here," His voice is gentle and inviting. "Come here my little girl."
          "Oh but you will take away my treasures!" I finally cry and let out my bitter accusation. "I don't want to let them go. They are all I have. And soon this awful wind will take them away, but as long as I can hold on to them, that is exactly what I want to do."
          He didn't say anything, but instead sat down next to me. "I love you, Sara." He smiles down at my dirty, teary face.
          "I don't understand!" I sob harder. "I thought that life would be filled with joy because you're my daddy. I don't feel so much joy right now." I wiped my nose on my sleeve and sniffled.
          "I thought that you would shower me with blessings and good things. But all I feel is this terrible wind coming at me, taring everything that I love away from me. I am so tired from holding on to this life. I don't think I have strength to get through one more moment."
          "Then, Sara, let go of this life." He spoke so kindly but pointedly.
          "What! But than all the good things I have will be taken!"
          "Sara, I am your Daddy, I love you no matter what, but if you come to me with your hands closed than I can never fill them with good things. Sara, if you always live in fear that I will take this life away from you than how can I ever truly give you the real life that I made you for? Sara, when your fists are clenched, my love will not stop, but you will not be able to experience the joy that I have for you."
         My lips quiver as I wrestle with these hard words.
         "Sara, when you are clinging to this life, you are not able to cling to me. I will never let you go, but you will have so much more joy if you just hold on to me."
          My fists fell down at my side. I peer down at them, and I look at the little pieces of life sticking out from in between my fingers.
          "All you have, Sara, is a bunch of crumpled pieces of life that will not last. Open your hands my little girl and let me fill them instead."
          I gulp deeply and gaze from my daddy back down to my hands. "But what about my treasures?" I whisper.
          His smile sent sun rays dancing. "Sara, I have your life in my hands. I have your family's lives in my hands too.Entrust them to me, Sara. For everything else, look to me to be your all."
          "What about what everyone else will think?"
          "Sara, all that matters is what I think. My thoughts of you go farther than the night sky, deeper than the ocean depths, farther than the west and east part ways, and higher than the sky. My thoughts, Sara, are filled with love for you because you are my little girl. That is what matters to me and I want that to be what matters to you too. I love you, Sara."
          An inward battle plays out as the breezes dance and sway. I hesitantly stand up and lift my hands a little bit with my fists clenched tight. I look into my daddy's eyes once again before closing my own. I bite my lip as I slowly open my hands. Without warning a gust of wind picks my treasures up and blows them away. I almost cry, but I turn to find my daddy standing near me. I lift my hands up to him---open. He fills my empty hands with his own.
          "Come on my little one, let us continue walking heavenward."