4 Years At A Glance - #3

 

In these early morning hours before my work day begins, I go back through all the days, weeks, months, and years that I have spent in the Coast Guard, and I relive all the moments that God has blessed me with. Every new week, my co-workers smile and shake their heads at me when I announce my new count down to my out date...right now I am down to 57! But what I don't tell them is this, where as I am so excited to be getting out of the Coast Guard and counting down helps me to make it through each new week, I am also doing it to remind myself that this is all I have left...I only have 57 more days to make an impact here! And really only half of those days will be at work. So really I only have 29 more days to shine Christ here in front of every one of these people who surround me day in and day out.

And I am left wondering...have I? Have I really even made a difference? Have I pointed to Christ; and maybe in the process, has anyone seen Jesus in me?



Doubts never linger far. Feelings of failure and the accusations that bombard me at times cause me to wonder if perhaps, just perhaps all of this was a waste. Oh Lord, I didn't want to waste any of the moments you gave me! But when I look back and see so little accomplished, these doubts and questions immediately grow bigger and bigger. I had such grand ideas when I joined the Coast Guard. I was going to be a life saver...do exciting things...go on great adventures...live out the stories that I would tell my kids and grandkids someday. And in the end I didn't even overcome my fear of driving a boat or carrying a gun...Oh I sure did try and face them, but I think I came out on the losing side :) Sometimes I wonder, "Why in the world, Sara, did you go BM?! What exactly were you thinking?!" Because I sure am no BM!* (although we have all come to the conclusion that I am the Best Mom here!).

But perhaps the reason God brought me to the Coast Guard was not so much for what I would accomplish, but more for what He would accomplish in and through me. And I think I received my answer today of why...

"Why the Coast Guard? Why BM? Why me?"

One guy here who arrived around the same time I did (and who will be leaving tomorrow) told me that my life over the past two years was a picture to him of Christ, and that seeing Jesus in me has helped him in his walk with the Lord.

Oh, how that makes every day here so worth it! Every moment that I have wondered why I was in Eastport, Maine instead of in Africa with my family and my fiancé, Fidele; every moment when I wondered, "Why BM?"; every discouraged moment as I have faced my failure here in what I have "not accomplished"...those words make all of these moments so worth it! And I would do it all over again just to hear those words.

Because it is not me who has made a difference here. It is not me who has accomplished great things. I am not strong nor am I courageous. I am not eloquent or good at talking. IT IS ALL JESUS! Because I am so weak and so full of faults. I am a sinner saved by God's grace. And yet Jesus delights in using me to point to His greatness! Jesus uses me to show people just how kind and wonderful He is! I haven't done anything great here...I have simply said "Yes" to God (and some days my "yes" wasn't very loud or cheerful!). I have simply tried to live out the love Jesus has so wonderfully lavished on me.

You see Jesus is the one who has made a difference here. Jesus has accomplished great things. Jesus is strong and so very courageous. Jesus' Word is shaper than a two edged sword and He knows exactly what to say every time. Jesus loves being kind! Jesus loves to "Wow" us with who He is and lavish His love on us! And in His kindness, He has taken a very weak and trembling girl, who was homeschooled, who struggles with failure, and who feels pretty much overwhelmed most of the time...and He has used her to be a picture of Jesus to this guy at work. Who else would think up such a crazy way to do this but Jesus!

And so with new resolve and renewed joy, I meet this new day at work(of which I only have 29 more)...and I dare to do things that a weak girl like me should never have the courage or power to do, but because of Jesus I can do all things (Phil. 4:13)! As I go to watch, it is as if I am entering the throne room of heaven to talk to my Daddy...as I go to do boat checks and clean the boats, it is as if the concrete sidewalks have turned into the dusty roads of Jerusalem, Bethany, Jericho, etc as I seek to live out the same love Jesus showed to people as He walked upon the earth; as I go to make dinner, it is as if the whole galley** has turned into a celebration of praise to the Lord...

And so each and every day my goal is to give my fellow Coasties HEAVEN! Because I may be the only Heaven that most of these people ever know---and that breaks my heart.
And it is my joy to give those who also love Jesus Heaven---so that they may know that all of this "Jesus stuff" is really real and so worth it!

These are just some of my thoughts today. I thank God for His special surprise for me this morning...His special message to me through that guy here. And through tears and renewed joy I say "Yes" to the Lord again. And I marvel at how beautiful Jesus is, because I got to see a glimpse of Him this morning...in that guy.



*A BM is a Boatswain Mate, their job is to take care of the boats, complete any maintenance and cleaning projects, become qualified as a boat driver in order to go out on rescue calls, qualify as a boarding officer which is like being a cop on the water, they are the "in charge" kind of people, and are usually pretty tough and rough around the edges...all of which I am not really except for the cleaning part!
** Kitchen